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The Punchline (Part 1)/Transcript
DISCLAIMER KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. VEGETA: (laughs maniacally) He's gone! He's finally gone! I’m so happy right now! I might not even slaughter you all! KRILLIN: Re-Really? VEGETA: (laughter dies down) Oh no, you’re all thoroughly screwed. KRILLIN: Awww. GOKU: Gohan, Krillin, I’ll handle Vegeta on my own. I need the both of you to get as far away as-- (Krillin is suddenly gone) Where’d Krillin go? (scene cuts to Krillin screaming flying away and then back to the battlefield where Goku places his hand on Gohan) GOKU: Gohan, follow Krillin. Get home to your mother. GOHAN: Right, Daddy. Is there anything you want me to tell her? GOKU: Yes, Gohan. Tell her... ("Coming Undone" by Korn plays as the camera slightly zooms in on Goku's face) to put dinner on... ("Coming Undone" plays again with the camera zooming in on Goku's face) because I’m hungry. (plays a third time with the camera once again zooming in on Goku's face) SEQUENCE (scene cuts to Goku flying down on the battlefield) VEGETA: Alright, are you ready for this? GOKU: You bet I am! But first, why don’t we take this battle somewhere else? VEGETA: What’s wrong with here? GOKU: I don’t know. Something about it doesn’t feel right. VEGETA: Well, it is a little corpsy. (looks at the corpses of Yamcha, Tien, and Piccolo) (scene shifts to King Kai's planet) NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on King Kai’s planet. KING KAI: (in his thoughts) So, the fight is about to begin. The showdown between the Saiyan elite and the low-class warrior, trained by me. (out loud) Takin’ all bets, guys! Takin’ all bets! BUBBLES: (subtitled) 70,000 zeni on the noble young warrior! BOJACK: (from inside King Kai's planet) Yargh! I bet 50 gold doubloons on the short one! GREGORY: Uh, sir, is this really appropriate? If Goku loses, the entire Earth could be destroyed! (King Kai creates a large hammer) KING KAI: You were saying? GREGORY: D’ah, 1,000 zeni on Goku. NARRATOR: Hey, can I get in on this? KING KAI: Wait a second. Don’t you already know the outcome of the fight? NARRATOR: N-Noooo...... (scene cuts back to Earth where Goku guides Vegeta to a wasteland to start their battle) GOKU: This is it! VEGETA: Ah, yes. A perfect place to mark your grave. GOKU: Listen, we don’t have to do this, you know. If you leave now and promise to never come back, I’ll let you go. And we can stop this meaningless bloodshed. VEGETA: Such trite! Where’s your Saiyan pride, Kakarot? We are proud warriors! Bred to fight and conquer. This planet has made you soft. GOKU: Are you sure about this? Because even if you’re a little sorry-- VEGETA: No! I’m not sorry! GOKU: Are you absolutely sure you-- VEGETA: Yes! I am entirely sure! (Goku begins powering up) I’m going to obliterate you and the rest of this planet myself with my own two-- GOKU: KAIO-KEN! (charges at Vegeta) VEGETA: Kaio-what-- (Goku punches Vegeta in the face and proceeds to attack him with a barrage of punches before knocking him away. Vegeta however recovers from the attack and kicks Goku in the face) VEGETA: (breathes heavily) Okay, not bad. But still nothing compared to me. Now witness the power of a Saiyan elite! GOKU: Elite? What’s that mean? VEGETA: It means I’m of the upper class. A finer breed! The highest grade of warrior! (Goku floats there silently, blinking confusedly) VEGETA: (sighs) Okay, consider yourself beef jerky while I’m filet mignon. GOKU: Oooh, I like both those things! VEGETA: (after a short pause) I'm going to start beating you now. I don't know when I'll stop. GOKU: Hopefully before dinner, because I told Gohan to tell Chi-Chi to-- (Vegeta headbutts Goku) AH! (Vegeta elbows Goku towards the ground) Unh! VEGETA: Hah! What’s wrong, Kakarot? Can’t keep up? (throws a fiery ki blast at Goku) I told you, Kakarot. There’s no way you can measure up to an elite like me! You’re fighting a losing battle here. (Goku removes the torn portion of his shirt) You may as well just surrender this pathetic planet now and-- GOKU: Kaio-Ken times three! (once again turns Kaio-Ken and flies at Vegeta) VEGETA: Times wha-- (Goku punches Vegeta in the face, sending him screaming and flying into a plateau) VEGETA: (in pain) This... proves... nothing. GOKU: Are you okay in there? VEGETA: (sarcastically) Yeah, I'm fan-f**king-tastic... nothing but gumdrops and ice-cream in here. GOKU: (delighted) Oh, really? Can I come in too? VEGETA: (short pause) I'm surrounded by idiots. GOKU: I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice-cream. (Vegeta screams with rage as he destroys the plateau around him) VEGETA: I will not stand for this! I will not be humiliated by a low-class wretch! GOKU: Aww, sounds like somebody's got an ice-cream headache! VEGETA: THAT'S IT!!! EVERYONE DIES!!! (launches himself into the air with a purple aura surrounding him and begins charging up energy) Say goodbye to your planet, Kakarot! GOKU: Well, that's not very nice. VEGETA: OF COURSE NOT! I'M F**KING EVIL! GALICK GUN! GOKU: Oooh, did he say Garlic-- VEGETA: (in distance) AAARRRGH! GOKU: (powers up to Kaio-Ken x3) Oh man! (cups his hands behind his back for a Kamehameha wave) KA... ME... HA... ME... VEGETA: FIRE!!! GOKU: HA!!! (both energy waves clash in mid-air) VEGETA: This is the end, Kakarot! You don’t stand a chance! I put all my power into this attack! (Goku is seen struggling in the clash) Now perish, with the rest of your pathetic world! GOKU: Hungh... Kaio-Ken... VEGETA: (stunned pause) No... GOKU: Times... VEGETA: (as if trying to deter Goku) No, no, no... GOKU: FOUR! (Kamehameha overpowers Galick Gun) VEGETA: Nononononononono-- (gets carried away by the blast) FUUUUUUUUUUU... (scene shifts to Kame House) NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back at the ranch. (camera cuts in inside Kame House with Bulma, Chi-Chi, Ox-King, Master Roshi, Oolong, and Turtle) BULMA: Remember when we used to do stuff? You know, be out there with them? And help? (They all agree. Fortuneteller Baba is seen working her crystal ball.) OOLONG: And remember the Red Ribbon Army? (They all remember) MASTER ROSHI: And what about King Piccolo? (They all remember, with Bulma saying "Good times. Good times.") BULMA: Whatever happened to Launch? (silence) MASTER ROSHI: Who? (scene cuts to a bar with a hungover Launch and a bartender with "The Singing Sea" from "Cowboy Bebop" playing) LAUNCH: (sighs) (scene cuts to the sky) NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back at the plot... VEGETA: (still getting carried off by Goku's Kamehameha) ...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! (moves away from the blast and starts breathing heavily) Son of a bitch! This can’t be happening! I’m the prince! I’m supposed to be the best by default! (continues to breathe heavily before smirking) I’ll show that little bastard! I’ll become the mighty Ōzaru and crush him into the-- (tires to look for the moon) Where’s the moon? (in distance) WHERE’S THE DAMN MOON?! (cuts to a flashback of Piccolo staring at the moon) PICCOLO: MOOOOOOOOOON!!! (fires a ki blast that destroys the moon) (cuts back to the present where Vegeta lands in front of Goku.) GOKU: Huh? VEGETA: Very clever, Kakarot! I’d taken you for a fool but it seems you’re far more cunning than you let on! But destroying the moon won’t stop me! We’ve learned to create artificial moons that supply the necessary pl-- GOKU: Question. VEGETA: What? GOKU: Are they made of cheese? VEGETA: (short pause) I’m going to enjoy this far more than I should. (Vegeta creates an artificial moon and shoots it into the sky) VEGETA: Now watch, Kakarot, as your life becomes inconsequential, (camera slowly pans up Vegeta's body) as I reveal my giant monkey... (camera stops in front of Vegeta's crotch; scene cuts to a group of viewers gasping in fear over seeing Vegeta's crotch at a jumbotron) VEGETA: ...form. (camera moves quickly up to Vegeta's face; crowd watching the jumbotron sigh in relief) PENIS GUY: Thank God, I thought he meant penis! (Vegeta begins transforming into an Ōzaru) GOKU: (thinking) He’s getting huge. That means he’ll only be stronger. That means he won’t be as fast--'' ''(Ōzaru Vegeta punches a plateau Goku is standing on) Oh, God, he’s still as fast! (dodges a punch and lands on the ground) He’s too powerful! I have to come up with a plan! Wait, I know! (out loud) I just have to think like a monkey! (closes his eyes) Hmm... (hears screeching noises) Hey, it’s working! KING KAI: (telepathically) No, that’s just Bubbles. Get off my back, Bubbles! (a loud thud is heard off screen with Bubbles groaning in pain) KING KAI: Goku, listen, the only way that you can beat him is if you use the Spirit Bomb! GOKU: (raises both hands into the sky) On it! KING KAI: And whatever you do, make sure you’re very well hidden! It’s going to take a lot of time to gather up all that energy! GOKU: (gets hit by Ōzaru Vegeta) Aaaaaaggggghhhh! (crystal ball goes static) PHONE OPERATOR: We’re sorry. The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. Please hang up and try again later. KING KAI: Huh. Category:DBZA Transcripts